Tuesday, November 08, 2005


To Cubs Fans, From a Giants Fan

Cubs fans, I just want to say I'm sorry. I'm so sorry! I realize you've suffered through nearly a century of pain, and over a half-century of goat-induced World Series withdrawal. You've suffered through monumental collapses, black cats running amok on the field, Steve Bartman, Sammy Sosa's whining, and now this.

I feel your pain Cubs fans, for I as a Giant fan have been through two years of what you are about to endure. If you think you've seen hapless flailing before, oh baby, you ain't seen nothing yet. You think you've been through hell? Nope, it's only begun. You just threw $5 million down the toilet, and basically destroyed your chances of fielding a halfway decent bench. I'd like to say it could be worse, but, frankly, I don't see how it could possibly get worse, short of bringing back Hal Lanier and telling him to strap it on and give it a go at shortstop.

Even the goat is quivering in fear on this day, because no power on Earth can withstand the evil force known as Neifi. All the tears you've cried Cub fans, well, bottle them up and prepare for more. The darkness has spread to the Friendly Confines and there is no way to stop it now. Repent before it's too late!

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