Tuesday, March 18, 2008


Insert Off-Color Male Anatomy Joke Here

I guess the Giants' Opening Day shortstop is going to be this kid named Brian Bocock. Yeah, you read that right. No, I've never heard of him, either, but at least his name is hilarious. Apparently he's wowed Bruce Bochy with his exceptional defense at shortstop, as well as his hustle and grit and all that other stuff that bad baseball analysts fawn over.

Naturally, we Giants fans would like to check out what Bocock's hitting ability consists of to see if maybe we've got a sleeper on our hands. Sadly, upon further investigation it seems as though said hitting ability would best be described as "nonexistent". Bocock's minor league line is .241/.311/.334. He's struck out 152 times in 611 at-bats, while drawing 63 walks. Now consider that none of this has taken place above A-ball. I think it's safe to say he's not a star in the making.

His defense had better be pretty damned amazing if he can even sniff the major leagues with those kinds of numbers. Can you just imagine one of those Quadruple-A players who have mashed in the minors all their career seeing this? Calvin Pickering must be having a coronary.

So in a Giants lineup filled with mediocre hitters, here comes a guy who'd have trouble hitting a wiffle ball with a tree trunk. Your 2008 San Francisco Giants! At least watching Bocock will be interesting, and it'll have immature bloggers like me licking their chops at the opportunity to pepper their posts with increasingly obscene puns.

--Actually, I think I have something that can provide an accurate depiction of Bocock's pending major league experience. Go here, and imagine that Pyro is Bocock, and the rest of the X-Men represent National League pitchers. At least let him finish his entry line, you bastards!


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