Wednesday, May 06, 2009


Send In the Clones

The buzz surrounding the new Wolverine movie (which I'm sure sucks) got me reminiscing about a Wolverine book I read a while ago. In it, some Nazi scientist did some horrible experiments on the X-man, somehow using extracted bone marrow to create this formula that would replicate Wolverine's healing factor and resistance to physical punishment when injected. Of course, Wolverine escaped, and the Nazi bastard spent the rest of his life tracking the mutant down so he could have a never-ending supply of the formula. I probably don't have to tell you that it doesn't end well for the German.

After watching Tim Lincecum (our own little "Rowengartner") mow down the Cubs yesterday, I was thinking: wouldn't it be great if we could somehow concoct a similar formula by taking some of the pitching talent from Tim Lincecum and injecting it into regular, everyday schmoes to get a rotation full of super-pitchers? Five Lincecums would have the Giants steamrolling to a pennant. If one gets hurt, you can just grab one of those guys outside the ballpark who hold up signs telling you to give them money because their family was kidnapped by space ninjas. Inject him with the stuff and, voila! Instant ace.

The Giants could have used their Lincecum clone today, getting blown out at Coors Field today. Randy Johnson looks like he's getting into a habit of alternating good starts with horrendous ones. Today his fly ball tendencies got the best of him, and he's now surrendered seven homers in six starts. More games at Mays Field should even that out, but yeesh.

Coors Field used to be a place where the Giants would roll in, hit the ball all over the place, but still lose, often in unspeakable ways. Nowadays, it seems like they just go in and lose, without any drama or wacky Matt Herges antics. If Matt Cain can redeem himself for last Saturday's sloppy start and the Giants win tomorrow to split the series, I declare it a series victory. Coors Field is always a get in, get out, hold your breath, pray the bullpen members haven't lost the use of the limbs and/or minds, and maybe get a win or two out of the whole debacle.

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