Tuesday, March 11, 2008
No Lineup For Young Men
Well, it seems as though Kevin Frandsen is not guaranteed to be the club's starting shortstop in Omar Vizquel's absence. Apparently, Bruce Bochy has been so horrified by Frandsen's defense that he's looking for other options, something not too surprising for those of us who remember watching Frandsen fumble around at the position last season.
The Giants' infield situation is now a complete mess with Vizquel out, and the team is reduced to the unenviable position of gagging through a Frandsen/Eugenio Velez/Rich Aurilia dogfight at third base and shortstop. Here's a (very, very) tentative projected Opening Day lineup, updated to fit the void left by Vizquel. People with heart conditions may want to leave the room now.
LF: Roberts
RF: Winn
CF: Rowand
C: Molina
2B: Durham
SS: Aurilia
1B Ortmeier
3B: Frandsen
I'm not sure what's more disgusting: the fact that any team would be content to trot this out on Opening Day, or the fact that this actually represents an upgrade over the Giants' ideal lineup with Vizquel gone. Obviously, it's a huge defensive dropoff with Vizquel out, but in any case, if we're using movie analogies, this lineup is pure Manos: Hands of Fate territory.
If Frandsen doesn't win the third base job, or moves to second in the event that the Giants can unload Durham, it'd likely mean that either a Joe Crede trade becomes a sure thing, or Velez gets a shot. Since it's probably a bad idea to give up a good pitcher for the honor of watching Crede star in Feliz II: Electric Boogaloo, it seems best to see what Velez has to offer.
Velez opened some eyes after putting up a .318/.373/.560 line at single A in 2006, with 64 stolen bases in 80 attempts. Unfortunately, he was way older than most of the competition and was playing in the hitter-happy Sally League. He's another of these slap-happy guys who can't work a walk to save his life, and I'm sure he'd just be a nightmare at the major league level. Then again, he's young enough to possibly make good on those minor league numbers, so why the hell not at least give him a chance to exceed my Neifi-level expectations?
Of course, there's a better option sitting in front of everybody's face, and yet no one (well, almost no one) gives him a mention. Justin Leone is now batting .571 in the Spring and is practically begging for someone to notice him. I've said it before and I'll say it again: give the guy a @#&$! chance! His career OPS in the minors is .846, so he clearly has something in his bat. He's likely a better option than the unholy Frandsen/Aurila/Velez troika and if he does end up stinking he can be discarded because he isn't getting paid much. It makes no sense, I tells ya.
The Giants' infield situation is now a complete mess with Vizquel out, and the team is reduced to the unenviable position of gagging through a Frandsen/Eugenio Velez/Rich Aurilia dogfight at third base and shortstop. Here's a (very, very) tentative projected Opening Day lineup, updated to fit the void left by Vizquel. People with heart conditions may want to leave the room now.
LF: Roberts
RF: Winn
CF: Rowand
C: Molina
2B: Durham
SS: Aurilia
1B Ortmeier
3B: Frandsen
I'm not sure what's more disgusting: the fact that any team would be content to trot this out on Opening Day, or the fact that this actually represents an upgrade over the Giants' ideal lineup with Vizquel gone. Obviously, it's a huge defensive dropoff with Vizquel out, but in any case, if we're using movie analogies, this lineup is pure Manos: Hands of Fate territory.
If Frandsen doesn't win the third base job, or moves to second in the event that the Giants can unload Durham, it'd likely mean that either a Joe Crede trade becomes a sure thing, or Velez gets a shot. Since it's probably a bad idea to give up a good pitcher for the honor of watching Crede star in Feliz II: Electric Boogaloo, it seems best to see what Velez has to offer.
Velez opened some eyes after putting up a .318/.373/.560 line at single A in 2006, with 64 stolen bases in 80 attempts. Unfortunately, he was way older than most of the competition and was playing in the hitter-happy Sally League. He's another of these slap-happy guys who can't work a walk to save his life, and I'm sure he'd just be a nightmare at the major league level. Then again, he's young enough to possibly make good on those minor league numbers, so why the hell not at least give him a chance to exceed my Neifi-level expectations?
Of course, there's a better option sitting in front of everybody's face, and yet no one (well, almost no one) gives him a mention. Justin Leone is now batting .571 in the Spring and is practically begging for someone to notice him. I've said it before and I'll say it again: give the guy a @#&$! chance! His career OPS in the minors is .846, so he clearly has something in his bat. He's likely a better option than the unholy Frandsen/Aurila/Velez troika and if he does end up stinking he can be discarded because he isn't getting paid much. It makes no sense, I tells ya.
Labels: bad movie analogies, eugenio velez, give leone a chance, kevin frandsen, spring training battles
Monday, January 28, 2008
Connect the Dots
All right, take a good look at this pic...
Now look and see how it relates to this link right here...
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3219098
We're free!!!!!!!
Now look and see how it relates to this link right here...
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3219098
We're free!!!!!!!
Labels: bad movie analogies, happy pete
Monday, July 16, 2007
Yet Another Goofy Movie Analogy To Describe the Giants
It's time to revisit one of my favorite pastimes here at Stankeye, the use of the bad movie analogy to illustrate what is going on with the Giants or one of their players. We've been down this barely inspired road before here and here, to name just a few examples, so let's get crackin' again.
There's this movie from the 80's called Legend, directed by Ridley Scott and starring Tom Cruise. I'm sure you've heard of it for one reason or another, maybe because of the mini-controversy that surrounded it after the producers scrapped the original music score (by the great Jerry Goldsmith) in favor of a more kid-friendly one by Tangerine Dream.
Anyways, it's really bad. The idea was to tell an old-fashioned fairy tale, in the Brothers Grimm mold, I suppose, and that's a novel premise, especially for a modern film audience. Unfortunately, the movie just plain blows. The plot involves some hot chick who is the embodiment of innocence, which means some evil creatures want to kill her, and they also want to kill the last unicorn, because if they do, then all light will be vanquished forever, and darkness will rule, blah, blah blah. Some fairies try to save her, but it's really hard to care because the movie is really boring and stupid, and Tom Cruise looks totally embarrassed throughout the proceedings. Again, it's a very bad movie.
Except...
There's one redeeming quality, and it's a big one. The villain, known as the Lord of Darkness (aka the big horned guy), and played by Tim Curry, is awesome. As in, one of the greatest villainous concoctions in movie history. I'm not kidding. He's huge, imposing, evil as hell, and every time he appears onscreen, he bursts into an eloquent soliloquy in which he basically just brags about what a bastard he is. Curry's performance (under a mountain of makeup, you can only recognize him from his trademark sneer) is a Shakespearean delight. It makes the film worth watching, at least if you have nothing to do and catch it on TV or something.
So think of Tim Lincecum as the Lord of Darkness (yeah he looks innocent, but, brother, his fastball is sinister), and think of the Giants' team as the shitty movie he's stuck in. Right now, the rise of Lincecum is pretty much the only thing exciting about this team. Just look at his performance today. He still needs to cut down on the walks, but pitching in a historically tough ballpark on pitchers, against a good Cubs lineup, he dominated.
Watching Lincecum make good hitters look foolish is worth the price of sitting through the usual horrible at bats by the Giant offense. In my days when the Giants were contenders, I'd make time during my day to be sure I could watch every game or listen to every broadcast. Back then the team was a can't-miss, like Aliens.
Now? Not so much, except on the days when Timmy pitches. Seeing his name penciled in as the game's probable starter is enough to make me fit my day around the Giant game. You see, watching him rise to the top ranks of NL hurlers amidst the grating sub-mediocrity around him is like watching Tim Curry's brilliant performance in an otherwise immensely crappy movie. Stop and watch his scenes, then turn it to "Dancing With the Stars" when he leaves the screen. With Lincecum, watch him pitch his game, then turn on the apathy when Barry Zito goes up against a Cub lineup full of righty sluggers (ugh).
All right so I realize that this analogy could have been made using any movie with a good villain, but the ratio of villain badassness to movie shittiness in Legend is just too great to pass by. I guess the comparison would also be apt with Alan Rickman in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, or Powers Boothe in Sudden Death, or Patrick Stewart in Masterminds. Wait, check that last one.
There's this movie from the 80's called Legend, directed by Ridley Scott and starring Tom Cruise. I'm sure you've heard of it for one reason or another, maybe because of the mini-controversy that surrounded it after the producers scrapped the original music score (by the great Jerry Goldsmith) in favor of a more kid-friendly one by Tangerine Dream.
Anyways, it's really bad. The idea was to tell an old-fashioned fairy tale, in the Brothers Grimm mold, I suppose, and that's a novel premise, especially for a modern film audience. Unfortunately, the movie just plain blows. The plot involves some hot chick who is the embodiment of innocence, which means some evil creatures want to kill her, and they also want to kill the last unicorn, because if they do, then all light will be vanquished forever, and darkness will rule, blah, blah blah. Some fairies try to save her, but it's really hard to care because the movie is really boring and stupid, and Tom Cruise looks totally embarrassed throughout the proceedings. Again, it's a very bad movie.
Except...
There's one redeeming quality, and it's a big one. The villain, known as the Lord of Darkness (aka the big horned guy), and played by Tim Curry, is awesome. As in, one of the greatest villainous concoctions in movie history. I'm not kidding. He's huge, imposing, evil as hell, and every time he appears onscreen, he bursts into an eloquent soliloquy in which he basically just brags about what a bastard he is. Curry's performance (under a mountain of makeup, you can only recognize him from his trademark sneer) is a Shakespearean delight. It makes the film worth watching, at least if you have nothing to do and catch it on TV or something.
So think of Tim Lincecum as the Lord of Darkness (yeah he looks innocent, but, brother, his fastball is sinister), and think of the Giants' team as the shitty movie he's stuck in. Right now, the rise of Lincecum is pretty much the only thing exciting about this team. Just look at his performance today. He still needs to cut down on the walks, but pitching in a historically tough ballpark on pitchers, against a good Cubs lineup, he dominated.
Watching Lincecum make good hitters look foolish is worth the price of sitting through the usual horrible at bats by the Giant offense. In my days when the Giants were contenders, I'd make time during my day to be sure I could watch every game or listen to every broadcast. Back then the team was a can't-miss, like Aliens.
Now? Not so much, except on the days when Timmy pitches. Seeing his name penciled in as the game's probable starter is enough to make me fit my day around the Giant game. You see, watching him rise to the top ranks of NL hurlers amidst the grating sub-mediocrity around him is like watching Tim Curry's brilliant performance in an otherwise immensely crappy movie. Stop and watch his scenes, then turn it to "Dancing With the Stars" when he leaves the screen. With Lincecum, watch him pitch his game, then turn on the apathy when Barry Zito goes up against a Cub lineup full of righty sluggers (ugh).
All right so I realize that this analogy could have been made using any movie with a good villain, but the ratio of villain badassness to movie shittiness in Legend is just too great to pass by. I guess the comparison would also be apt with Alan Rickman in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, or Powers Boothe in Sudden Death, or Patrick Stewart in Masterminds. Wait, check that last one.
Labels: bad movie analogies, Tim Lincecum
